The imperative language of recovery coaches

In my years of drinking, I recall hearing several things.

People told me I was irresponsible, lacked self-control, that I was untrustworthy, a disappointment to my family and friends and that I was a drain on those around me.

I also heard much harsher things, like I was belligerent, impossible to be around and that I was a waste of time and space – a loser.

Some of that may have been true, but none of it inspired me to change my destructive path at the time.

Not once do I recall being asked what I imagined might be the best version of myself.

No one actually sat down with me and genuinely asked me about my hopes and dreams.

No one took the time to sit with me to brainstorm about my innermost purpose.

“Dreams, hopes, purpose, value—these are things a great recovery coach is trained to foster. Time and again, people we work with tell us it’s the first time anyone has held them in such high regard.”

Dreams, hopes, purpose, value—these are things a great recovery coach is trained to foster.

Time and again, people we work with tell us it’s the first time anyone has held them in such high regard.

Some of the techniques a good recovery coach will bring include:

Meet them where they are

This is much more difficult than it sounds. 

People under the grip of substance misuse can seem to have some detrimental ideas about what their life can and should look like.

Rather than opposing those ideas, or asking them to look at life through our lens, we look through theirs. And this must be done unflinchingly and without a thread of judgment.

This is hard at the best of times, and with family, near impossible. It’s why I refer my own family members to other recovery coaches I trust.

Establish Empathy

This is one of the most difficult — and pivotal — faculties a recovery coach can bring to a relationship with someone struggling with substance misuse.

This requires an abandonment of “self” when listening to what’s being said. That is, not offering advice (unless it’s requested), a complete lack of judgment and simply holding a safe place for the person of concern to say what they need to, unopposed.

A good measure of empathy is the quality of reflective listening.

It’s not just parroting back what’s been said, but accurately and deeply acknowledging what’s been said and how that must feel for the person.

This may be the first time they feel really heard and understood, and that’s extremely powerful to foster change.

Listening for change talk

People suffering from substance or behaviour problems can be at various stages of change. Early on, they may be pre-contemplative, not really ready for immediate change.

They may be contemplative, meaning they are thinking about change, but not really ready to act. They recognize their behaviour is problematic, but have no set plan in place.

At this latter stage, the listener may hear “I may” or “I could” statements.

These are gold, to a recovery coach, and offer a great place to build.

Creating generative moments

Each of these glimmers of change talk represent opportunities to create “generative moments,” an avenue for creative brainstorming about the possibilities they represent.

These are the peak of a coaching experience and fuel the motivation for change.

Celebrating the wins

Client-generated ideas and plans of action are the wellspring of lasting change. They are the only ideas that matter. They build self-efficacy, and in themselves, generate further positive growth, cheered on by the coach.

There’s a sense that grows in the client that they really can build a better life.

This is a powerful force, and forms the bedrock for self-determination, the endgame of every good recovery coach.

Only a few of the key skills

This the 3,000-foot up look at just some of the techniques used by great recovery coaches.

The best coaches I know are extremely well-trained and have a continued mindset that they will always have a lot more to learn.

This “holding space” without judgment creates a relationship those struggling with substance use have rarely, if ever, experienced.

As addiction is a malady of isolation and disconnection, this level of connection is restorative and invaluable.

For coaches, being witness to such growth is a most rewarding experience.

There is, of course, much more to being a good recovery coach.

Learn more about what it takes to become a trained recovery coach or contact us if you have questions.

If you, or a loved one, needs a recovery coach, learn more about how we can help.